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INTRODUCTION: SEEKING WISDOM IN OUR SPEECH
13 The wicked is ensnared by the transgression of his lips,
But the righteous will come through trouble.
14 A man will be satisfied with good by the fruit of his mouth,
And the recompense of a man’s hands will be rendered to him.
15 The way of a fool is right in his own eyes,
But he who heeds counsel is wise.
16 A fool’s wrath is known at once,
But a prudent man covers shame.
17 He who speaks truth declares righteousness,
But a false witness, deceit.
18 There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword,
But the tongue of the wise promotes [or brings] health.
19 The truthful lip shall be established forever,
But a lying tongue is but for a moment.
20 Deceit is in the heart of those who devise evil,
But counselors of peace have joy.
21 No grave trouble will overtake the righteous,
But the wicked shall be filled with evil.
22 Lying lips are an abomination to the LORD,
But those who deal truthfully are His delight.
23 A prudent man conceals knowledge,
But the heart of fools proclaims foolishness.
(Proverbs 12:13-23 NKJV)
We’ve been talking about wisdom and guidance, and here Solomon is trying to make us wise in our speech. Notice how he compares the righteous to the wicked, and the wise to the unwise, but with a special focus on how people use or misuse their tongues.
Solomon says that by our lips we can satisfy our lives with good things and bring healing to others. Let’s get some biblical understanding concerning the tongue.
1. YOUR TONGUE IS ON FIRE!
Solomon says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit” (Proverbs 18:21). That means we have a choice to make concerning our speech.
James says the mature man is one who can control his tongue. The tongue is a small part of your body, but it boasts of great things: “And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell” (James 3:6). So, the tongue has a central position in our lives.
If the eyes are the windows of the soul, then your mouth is the door of the soul – specifically, it’s the exit! In Matthew 12:34, Jesus says that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. It releases our soul’s reactions and the things we have been considering. Our ability to communicate what is in our souls through speech may be our most God-like ability. Our speech can either help us become more like God or more like the Devil. It can unleash the power of God or the destructive forces of death.
Words can save a man from suicide or make him jump. They can encourage the spirit or crush the soul. But God designed our speech organs to praise Him and to bless others, not to curse. If we surrender our speech to Him, we can enter a new arena of blessing in our own lives. To do that, we first need to take an uncomfortable look at improper speech that displeases the Lord and wounds other people.
2. NOT A COMPLETE LIST… BUT HERE ARE SOME TYPES OF IMPROPER SPEECH.
2.1. Reviling or cursing God or those in authority.
“You shall not revile God, nor curse the ruler of your people” (Exod. 22:28).
…looking earnestly on the Sanhedrin, Paul said, “Men, brothers, I have lived in all good conscience before God until this day.” And the high priest Ananias commanded those who stood by him to strike him on the mouth. Then Paul said to him, “God shall strike you, whitened wall! For do you sit judging me according to the Law, and against law command me to be stricken?” And they who stood by him said, “Do you revile God's high priest?” Then Paul said, “I did not know, brothers, that he was the high priest; for it is written, ‘You shall not speak evil of the ruler of your people.’” (Acts 23:1-5)
It’s a sin to speak wickedly of the leaders God sets over the land. That doesn’t mean you have to agree with what they do, or obey them when they break God’s laws. Civil disobedience because of our obedience to God has a long history in the Scripture. In Exodus, God commended the midwives for disobeying Pharaoh’s command to murder children. And let’s remember how Daniel got in that lion’s den in the first place.
Should Daniel have obeyed the king instead of God? No, but what matters is the attitude of the heart and the respect that God insists we show to the authorities He Himself has instituted. Because there is no authority except that which God has appointed.
In our country, it’s become a national sport to heap the most vile abuse upon authority figures. In many cases, the people doing so profess to be Christians. God forbids this.
Notice how Paul even honored religious leaders who were in gross error. If he felt he should treat bad leadership that way, how much more should we respect those who seem to be doing their best.
I know it’s hard for pastors to say these things, but Christians should be careful how you speak about their spiritual leaders, too.
When you’re having Sunday dinner, and you’re having that traditional American dish, Roast Pastor, be careful… you may be cutting yourself off from the stream of God’s blessing. You need to pray for him. If you haven’t been in that position, you don’t know what he carries. You don’t know what it means to be accountable for people’s souls.
Pray for your pastor, don’t prey on him. I know that’s your heart as well.
And I hope it goes without saying that we shouldn’t misuse the name of God. Let’s handle the name of Jesus Christ with reverence.
2.2. Perjury and False Accusation.
“Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor” (Exodus 20:16).
False witness means false testimony. There are times we are false in what we report.
There are times we accuse or blame others for things wrongfully.
There are times we join in accusing someone even though we have some information that might explain or excuse what they did.
This is why in the courts of Man we are called upon to swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
2.3. Lying.
“Therefore putting away lying, let each man speak truth with his neighbor, for we are members of one another” (Ephesians 4:25).
There is no such thing as a so-called “white lie,” although Jews and Christians have generally taught that lying is permissible to prevent murder. And we see that indicated in the Word.
Again, in court, we are asked to disclose the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. What does it mean? It means do not lie, do not withhold the truth, and do not exaggerate.
2.4. Gossip.
“He who covers a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates friends” (Proverbs 17:9); “The words of a talebearer are like wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly” (Proverbs 18:8).
You see, it’s not true that sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.
It doesn’t matter if what you’re saying is true. It’s interesting that the word used here is talebearer – it means you are carrying the story along, whether it’s true or not.
Here’s a simple rule: if it doesn’t edify, then stop! Ask yourself:
Is this helpful?
Is it encouraging?
Does it minister life or death?
Does it increase suspicion and mistrust?
Does it magnify me because I want to be seen as important?
Do I want to be seen as someone who has access to knowledge you don’t have?
Paul says let your speech always be with grace.
The power of gossip is that it provides people an artificial way to connect, and find common ground with others. It provides a demonic counterfeit of godly fellowship through a shared viewpoint and, often, shared feelings of bitterness and disappointment. There is a participation in each other's unhealed wounds. Often these wounds have been deliberately kept open and unhealed in order to justify ourselves and justify our failure to forgive the person being gossiped about. And the world celebrates this. Dangerously, the spiritual agreement that people achieve through gossip often leads them into partnership to commit greater sins.
2.5. Calling people derogatory names or nicknames.
The Bible calls this railing, or mocking. “And whoever shall say to his brother, ‘Raca, [empty head] shall be liable to the Sanhedrin; but whoever shall say, ‘Fool!,’ shall be liable to be thrown into the fire of hell” (Matthew 5:22b).
You may remember the story of the men who mocked Elisha the prophet in 2 Kings 2. That didn’t turn out so well for them.
How about imitating people’s mannerisms, giving them derogatory nicknames, or calling attention to some aspect of their appearance?
What about when we speak disparagingly about their behavior: “Oh, well you know how she is. You know how he gets!”
Can you imagine Jesus making a joke at someone else’s expense? Remember when Peter walked on water for a few moments? I can’t imagine Jesus sitting at the campfire with Andrew later, and saying, “Wow, your brother is so lame.”
Lord, help us to bless and not to cut down! There is a kind of speech that cuts like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
2.6. Revealing secrets.
“A talebearer reveals secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit conceals the matter” (Proverbs 11:13).
Some of us are told things in confidence and we spill the beans anyway. It can be hard to deal with the consequences. Some of us are obligated to keep secrets because of our positions, and we don’t.
People say things like: Oh! I really shouldn’t tell you this, but… Then don’t! I don’t need to know.
How about when people say, I’m just telling you this so you can pray. Remember our definition of witchcraft – manipulation, intimidation, and control.
There’s another side to that coin. The other side is when we go to someone to squeeze information out of them like an orange. You can participate in gossip and talebearing not just by drinking it in, but by squeezing it out of others.
Has anyone ever come up to you and said, “Hey, you were in that meeting. C’mon, you can tell me what happened! Who am I going to tell anyway?”
“Whoever guards his mouth and tongue keeps his soul from troubles” (Proverbs 21:23).
2.7. Swearing.
“But let your word be, ‘Yes, yes;’ ‘No, no.’ For whatever is more than these comes from evil” (Matthew 5:37); “But before all things, my brothers, do not swear; neither by the heaven nor by the earth, nor any other oath. But let your yes be yes, and your no, no, lest you fall into condemnation” (James 5:12).
People say things like: “Honest to God!”; “I swear to God!”; “I swear on my mother’s grave!”; and so on.
Why is this wrong? In Jesus’ day, people would swear by things, and they would consider it all right to lie if they hadn’t sworn by something important. But even in our culture, when somebody says, “I swear on the life of my kids,” or something like that, you may be tempted to find it more believable.
But God hates all lying. He’s so pure that He can’t even do it – He cannot lie. So, let’s avoid this kind of speech. If you’re a man of truth, a woman of integrity, your yes should be golden.
2.8. Slander & Character Assassination.
“He that hides hatred with lying lips, and he that utters a slander, is a fool” (Proverbs 10:18).
Sadly, there are too many kinds of slander to count. There is actual slander in which we commit character assassination: “He’s a crook. Somebody told me he overcharged for this and that…”
There are also implied slanders, in which we plant evil seeds of thinking in other people’s minds. “You know, so-and-so is pushing 40 and he still isn’t married. Do you think he’s, well, you know…”
2.9. Spreading strife.
We spread strife farther and faster when we disobey Jesus’ commands for repairing relationships.
“But if your brother shall trespass against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear you, take one or two more with you, so that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he neglects to hear the church, let him be to you as a heathen and a tax-collector” (Matthew 18:15-17).
We’ve all heard this kind of speech:
“Let me tell you what he did to me. You won’t believe it.”
There’s a hearsay version, too: “I heard that she did this to him…”
I pray we can all learn to obey the Lord’s instructions for solving our disputes.
2.10. Flattery.
Flattery is very dangerous, and it’s made even more so by the fact that nobody thinks it’s dangerous. “A man that flatters his neighbor spreads a net for his feet” (Proverbs 29:5). In other words, he is trying to trap you like a bird or an animal.
Flattery is when people compliment and praise you insincerely, buttering you up to take advantage of you.
When it comes to conversations between the sexes, Proverbs reveals that flattery is one of the ways people fall into adultery. Actually, I’ll say it like this: People don’t fall into adultery. They get pushed.
Study it more completely, and you’ll discover that people with a controlling spirit often use flattery: “You’re always so nice to me. You’re the only person who supports me or who understands me. I feel like you’re the only person I can talk to sometimes.”
That’s how Absalom stole the hearts of the people away from his father, King David: “Oh! I wish I were king! If only I were king, I would take care of you; I would give you justice!”
We have the same thing in churches. “Oh! They don’t care about you. Those pastors – they don’t appreciate your giftings… but I do.”
Flattery can look very spiritual, it can sound like you’re giving someone honor – but it’s wicked. And it’s laying a trap for you.
2.11. Coarse or vulgar speech.
“Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers” (Ephesians 4:29).
I may scream if I hear one more person say, “I don’t care what the words say, I just like the music or the beat.” A lot of music today has lyrics you could never read in church… or anywhere else for that matter. Let’s bring sanity back. Paul says: let NO corrupt word come out.
2.12. Talking too much and other idle or worthless speech.
Jesus said, “A good man out of the good treasure of the heart brings out good things; and an evil man out of the evil treasure brings out evil things. But I say to you that every idle word, whatever men may speak, they shall give account of it in the day of judgment” (Matthew 12:35-36).
Some day we’ll be held to account for every idle thing we’ve ever said. That word idle there means unproductive. It means speech that doesn’t produce anything.
Some people talk to excess and have to dominate every conversation. They like to interrupt. They aren’t listening to you. While you’re talking, they’re already thinking about what they’re going to say.
Do you know that it is a sin not to be a good listener? I can prove it from James 1:19: “Therefore, my beloved brothers, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.”
“For let fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness not be once named among you, as becomes saints, neither baseness, foolish talking, jesting, which are not becoming, but rather giving of thanks” (Ephesians 5:3-4).
The Bible warns us against off-color remarks, dirty jokes, double entendres (double meanings), and all that sort of thing.
God is not against jokes, but look at this interesting Scripture: “…like a madman who throws firebrands, arrows, and death, so is the man who deceives his neighbor and says, “Am I not joking?” (Proverbs 26:18-19). I’m glad to know that God also gets tired of people who tease others all the time. “Oh, come on, can’t you take a joke? I’m just kidding!”
2.13. Grumbling.
“Nor let us commit fornication, as some of them fornicated, and twenty-three thousand fell in one day. Nor let us tempt Christ, as some of them also tempted Him and were destroyed by serpents. Nor murmur as some of them also murmured and were destroyed by the destroyer” (1 Corinthians 10:8-10).
Murmuring or grumbling is the sin of expressing the ingratitude you’ve been nurturing in your heart.
Complaining is so poisonous and contagious that God connected it here with fornication and tempting the Lord. In all three cases, He brought judgment against Israel. So, let’s catch ourselves. One thing you can try to do, and you’ve heard me mention this before, is take a fast from criticism. Try going three weeks without being critical. Give it a shot and you may be surprised to see how negative we can be at times.
2.14. Boasting.
In Romans 1:30, Paul speaks of the wicked who are “backbiters, haters of God, insolent, proud, braggarts…” Examine your own speech patterns. How often are you talking about yourself, and referring to yourself? Perhaps we’re more self-centered than we think!
Well, that’s quite a laundry list. We can see why David said, “Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips” (Psalms 141:3).
We also need to set a guard over our hearts because it’s unavoidable that we’re going to hear things that are offensive to us as we go through our days, maybe even some things that are directed right at us. And if you have bitterness and offenses in your heart, they will come out – because out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks!
3. HOW SHOULD WE RESPOND TO WRONG SPEECH?
“Also do not listen to all words that are spoken; lest you hear your servant curse you. For also your own heart knows that you yourself have also cursed others many times” (Ecclesiastes 7:21-22).
Solomon says: ignore the wrongful things that people say about you. Quickly forgive and ask God to help you not to harbor in your heart things people speak against you.
Do not retaliate but bless. Peter says, “Never give back evil for evil, or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, giving blessing, knowing that you are called to this so that you might inherit blessing” (1 Peter 3:9).
Jesus also said in Matthew 5, “Blessed are you when men shall revile you and persecute you, and shall say all kinds of evil against you falsely, for My sake. Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for your reward in Heaven is great. For so they persecuted the prophets who were before you” (5:11-12).
When we’re insulted for being a Christian, let’s rejoice and bless our persecutors instead of saying, You’re in trouble now, you evil sinner!
4. WHAT ABOUT THE POWER OF POSITIVE CONFESSION?
A side note concerning the tongue. I have a concern that Christians have picked up some odd ideas about speech that may be warping their use of the tongue. I want to ask you to think carefully about what you’re saying and how you’re praying. Don’t just pick up religious language from people, but let the Bible teach you how to speak and pray.
Don’t craft your words so as to deny reality.
We have to speak truth. I’ve had somebody come to me and say, “I need you to pray for me because I’m sick. I mean, I’m sick, but I’m not sick. You know.” Well, which is it? You are either sick or not sick. If you are sick, I can pray for you. If you’re not sick, please go sit down because others are waiting for prayer.
James says, “Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the sick, and the Lord will raise him up” (James 5:14-15a).
The prayer of faith is not pretending that you’re not sick, or being afraid to say out loud that you’re sick, but it’s trusting in God who heals the sick.
Don’t craft your words in a certain way because you have a superstitious fear that if you say the wrong thing, something bad will happen.
If merely sharing something that’s distressing or sorrowful is wrong, or dangerous, or shows a lack of faith, then Christ Himself had a lack of faith in the Garden of Gethsemane. In Matthew 26 we read, “…He began to be sorrowful and deeply distressed. Then He said to them, ‘My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death’” (Matthew 26:37-38).
That sounds like a “negative confession” to me.
Don’t craft your words in a certain way because you believe you can create reality.
Your words do not create reality. You are not Yahweh. And God is the Sovereign.
I hear people “decreeing and declaring” this, that, and the other. If everything that has been decreed and declared in recent years had come to pass, we would already be in the Millennial Kingdom.
In the Book of Job, Eliphaz told Job, “You will also declare a thing, and it will be established for you…” (22:28) But what did that mean when Eliphaz said it? You may want to read the entire chapter. And do people who say these things think that they can say something, and have it override God’s Will in the matter?
Prayer is not “speaking things into existence” or confessing what you want until it manifests. Some of what we hear people saying doesn’t sound like Christian prayer at all; it’s more like witchcraft, where you speak and manifest things according to your own will.
Can you release the power of God through your words? Yes, you can, if it’s really the Spirit of God who’s leading you to do it. But we do these things at the direction of God. Otherwise, there would be dozens of little gods in this room, each one of us creating his or her own reality.
And yes, speaking the Word of God out loud can increase your faith, but it doesn’t create reality itself. The Bible says that without faith it is impossible to please God. Those who seek to create their own reality without having faith in God or without depending on God in faith are falling into the snare of the devil, who wanted to establish his own will, independent of God. The devil said “I will” five times and got thrown down because of it.
So, when the Bible says life and death are in the power of the tongue, that has to do with our ability to bless and encourage as opposed to cursing and tearing people down.
Let’s close by quickly looking at how we can speak with wisdom and grace.
5. HOW SHOULD WE SPEAK?
5.1. Repent and ask God to give you a fresh start!
If we’re listening to the voice of the Spirit, that should have been the reaction of all our hearts as I listed those ugly sins. Let’s ask God to forgive us and purify our lips.
5.2. Remember Jesus’ and Grandma’s advice.
“Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps his soul from troubles” (Proverbs 21:23). What is Jesus’ advice (command, really)? The Golden Rule: do unto others as you would have them do unto you. What was Grandma’s advice? If you don’t have anything nice to say…
5.3. Ask God whether you should say anything.
Ecclesiastes 3:7 says there is “…a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak…” Start further back in your thinking. Instead of thinking of what to say, first ask God whether you should even say anything at all!
5.4. Ask God for the right thing to say.
Proverbs 25:11 says, “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in frames of silver.” In other words, saying a beautiful thing in an appropriate time, place, and manner. This again assumes you should say something in the first place. But if we trust God to help us, the Holy Spirit can give us good things to say in any situation.
5.5 Speak the truth with kindness and love.
“Let your speech be always with grace, having been seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one” (Colossians 4:6).
We all have that friend who doesn’t quite know how to get it across properly. It’s not what you say sometimes, it’s how you say it. “You know, Bob, I really love you, but you are a royal pain in…” Let me ask you – which part of that statement do you think Bob will remember?
5.6. Be aware of special instructions in the Word regarding certain categories of people.
In the Bible we are commanded to speak a certain way to certain people.
“Do not receive an accusation against an elder except before two or three witnesses” (1 Timothy 5:19).
“Do not sharply rebuke an elder, but exhort as a father, and the younger ones as brothers, older women as mothers, the younger as sisters in all purity” (1 Timothy 5:1-2).
“For God commanded, saying, ‘Honor your father and mother’; and, ‘He who speaks evil of father or mother, let him die by death’” (Matthew 15:4).
5.7. Ask God to help you! (How easy is that?)
Psalm 141:3, which we referred to earlier, says, “Set a watch, O LORD, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips.” We ought to pray often for our own tongues, that we would have grace from God to use our tongues well.
5.8. Practice thanksgiving and praise instead of grumbling.
“Because thy lovingkindness is better than life, my lips shall praise thee” (Psalm 63:3).
Make it a habit to praise and give thanks. Remember how we talked about David taking a praise break, seven times a day. The more thanks and praise there is coming out of our lips, the less room there will be for anything else.
5.9. Worship God in the Spirit!
If God has blessed you with the ability to pray and worship in a heavenly language, then use it every day. Paul did so constantly, and he turned out all right. He said, “I thank my God, I speak in tongues more than you all” (1 Corinthians 14:18). He who speaks in a tongue edifies, or builds himself up (see 14:4). Yield your tongue to the Holy Spirit for His divine purposes. And finally…
5.10. Bless God and people!
Be an encourager like Barnabas. That wasn’t his real name, but they called him Barnabas, which means the “son of encouragement,” or the encourager.
I’m sure Barnabas knew many of the failings of his fellow Christians, but that didn’t stop him from lifting people up. We shouldn’t let it stop us either.
Speak words of life to people, lift them up, build them up. Learn how to compliment people and cheer them up without flattering them. Eventually, people will be happy to see you!
Learn to bless people. Learn to lift them up with your voice.
Take time every day to encourage somebody. Maybe there’s someone here to whom you need to express some appreciation for who they are and what they do.
Use your tongue this week to bless and heal. Call somebody on the phone out of the blue. Call your parents, a co-worker, a boss, whatever, this week. Encourage somebody.
Using your voice is best, but if you really need to, leave a text or a DM. But, by all means, be a Barnabas this week and lift somebody up.
If we start to do this, we’ll be living out God’s wisdom for our lips. We’ll grow wise in our speech. We will discover in our daily living that the tongue of the wise brings healing. And the next time somebody comes up to you and says, “You know what, you’re ugly and your mother dresses you funny,” you can just answer them back and say, “I don’t receive those words, because God says in His Word, ‘I have loved you with an everlasting love,’ and that’s the Voice I’m choosing to listen to.”
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